I have had a Haircut. With a capital huh. I didn’t mean to, I needed a trim, but it happens every time - I go in, I sit down, I put on my “I do care about both Big Brother and your opinions related to it!” face, I go; “Just a tri-”, and kapow, it’s all “I am an artiste! I do not trim! I will layer fore, feather aft and put it in a box and set fire to it!” from Preston’s thwarted Nicky Clarke (and if you’re committing follicular homicide in a lighthouse in the foyer of a Morrissons, you know, that’s pretty comprehensively thwarted). I don’t know; I must have a kind face. So anyway, now I’m me circa 1984 by way of asymmetric Mr Spock, but I figure I can work it.

It’s a good job I’m pretty laid-back about my hair, right, because otherwise I imagine I’d spend a lot of time weeping and assaulting the wilful with flung tins of wax. I have had a ginger perm, okay, the worst has happened. Anyhow, this means that I’ll be a short-haired bride, and would you like to hear my opinions on that? Super.

Finger waves! Is that what they’re called? They’re very pretty. I bet I could get my hair to finger-waving length by September if I kept up my intake of brick-thick multivitamins and thunk positive thoughts. Also the veil is very nice (did I just express an opinion about a veil? I did! Another will be along shortly); it’s either that or a birdcage sort. Or neither; I don’t know.

Hair… Device! I like these, but I’m definitely going to get terrible consumer paralysis if I try to buy one. Have you seen the market saturation on Etsy? No, you haven’t, because you’ve got less ridiculous things to think about, but trust me that the amount of twinkly floral butterfly twig things that I can stick on my head is truly overwhelming.

This lady nails it, pretty much. I’d have to think very positive thoughts to get to that length, however. And Matt’s prohibited from wearing a hat, he’ll look like a vaudeville rapist.

Obviously I’m going to throw in another Offbeat Bride link now.

Alright, I’ve expressed my intention to adopt some sort of wedding aesthetic and said my beloved looks like a rapist. Tick box, tick box. Signing off!